Self-love September

September is a month I’m very excited about! As it turns out September is the month of Self Love.

Self Love is my life’s quest.

From pulling my hair when I was not older than 4 or 5 – because I had told myself Tess was a boy’s name – to an eating disorder between the age of 11 and 22. And frankly, everything in between. I’ve always told myself

  • I don’t deserve love
  • I’m not pretty enough
  • nobody likes me, let alone will ever love me
  • I’m too fat, too short, too boring, too weird, too sensitive.

And that is just the top of the list. I have hated myself dearly. Very dearly indeed.

Change came. At some point. The realisation that you can’t search for love outside yourself, if there isn’t any inside of you. Baby step after baby step. But boy, I’ve grown! I’m surely not completely there yet, but I’m on the move. And I know where I’m heading to.

Two years ago I decided to start writing a book about self-love. A journey, literally. I quit, then continued, quit again. But at the start of 2016 I realised this is the journey I want to continue. I’m gonna take my time, it may take some time before you’ll see the result. But I came to realise that I’m an actual expert on this topic, not by study but by experience. So why would I keep telling myself I wasn’t good enough?

It’s gonna be an epic journey, a big part of my quest. I wish that anyone suffering from self-hate and related issues, will find a companion in my book. In due time…

As Self-love September is now upon us, I simply wish that anyone suffering from self-hate in whatever form has someone to reach out to, has the stamina to continue the journey along the bumpy road to Self Love. For me there’s no way back and I know if I can walk this road, so can you. Let’s make this month a powerful one!

If you have any thoughts, if you want to share a piece of your Self Love journey – do feel free to get in touch via the contact-form on the About-page or via social media. Or share this blog, to let more people know about #selfloveseptember!


For you.

A yellow conclusion

This was September, my yellow month. And yellow was everywhere! Because I focused and because yellow catches attention.

Not my colour, but my friend Annie can sport light yellow like no one does!

My friend Annie can sport light yellow like no one does!

I won’t be moving into a yellow submarine just yet, but during this month my affection for this colour has grown. And although the light and pastel version of yellow still doesn’t really do it for me (but that is taste and the pastel yellow making me look like a sheet), I didn’t realise until now that yellow actually brightens up my mood. A lot!

Yellow picture mixture

Picture mixture: this whole month I’ve been collecting yellow inspiration.

The colour is summery and optimistic and is said to be good for inspiration and concentration – always handy. Maybe that’s why I feel like I need more yellow indoors. To be more precise, I feel as though it may pull me through the dark Winter months, may help me in finding a balance and so in dealing with depression. I wonder if that’s because it’s such a vibrant colour? Does it reflect more light?

If so, I might just paint one of my walls a bright egg yolk yellow to get me through another Autumn blues! Or I could just start with getting that bike, including balloon, and put that up my wall.

And when I’m all grown up I want a bathroom with a yellow floor. Or a minty-green bathroom with a yellow bath. Via Marie-Claire.

And when I’m all grown up I want a bathroom with a yellow floor. Or a minty-green bathroom with a yellow bath. Via Marie-Claire.


But then this bright yellow! And thanks for image used - found it in my inspiration folder!

But then this bright yellow! And thanks for image used – found it in my inspiration folder!







Can I have your attention, please!

That’s yellow talking, not me.

Yellow - attention! 2

Yellow asks for your attention. When code red or amber aren’t in order, yellow appears. From diversions due to road work to slippery-floor-cautioning, yellow is the alert-colour. When you see yellow, you know there is no need to stay low to the ground and pull back immediately. However, it does remind you to stay focused, otherwise you may slip or get lost.

The bright and energising colour that is yellow, catches our attention without us getting into a panic-attack. Because we’re used to connect yellow and focus-without-fear, due to our culture mostly. It almost takes us by the hand and leads us to where the traffic-light button is. Lets us know the road is closed. Don’t worry. Don’t panic.

Yellow - attention!

[ The moment we’re looking at nature and the yellow gets combined with black (but not like this picture showing your way to the traffic-light button) the story changes. Bees, wasps, spiders, even snakes. It asks for your attention and tells you that you may consider staying well away ]

Yellow leaves

Just a thought on yellow leaves.

yellow leaves

I’m surprised at the number of trees that already show signs of Autumn during September’s first weeks.
Yellow leaves rapidly appear.
Some trees wait a bit longer with their changing of hue. But overall it’s pretty clear; the next season is approaching. Yellow stands for change of season; yellow flowers announce spring, yellow leaves announce the opposite.

Nature does the talking.

My monthly focus

Starting something and then sticking to it, is not my strongest point. Diaries, sketching practise, cleaning; for a little while I’m all-systems-go! Then, after a week (and sometimes a half more) I get distracted by something else that needs my full commitment.
The idea of focussing on something, from beginning to end, gets my standing ovation. The continuation however… Still, I really would love to prove to myself that I can! Which is why, for a couple of years now, the idea of a focus challenge has been in the back of my mind. I never did though. Until now. Because now I have my readers (hi mum & dad!) whom I cannot let down if I promise to go for it.

During a short course Styling Basics at the Artemis Academy, we had to focus on a colour in the streets for a whole week; what colour did catch our attention in the streets? Orange and fuchsia drew mine. Before you know it, it seems as though every car is orange and all bikes and curtains fuchsia! An amazing little trick of your brain. Try not to think of an elephant. This project was such fun, that ever since I look around and up even more! And I discover things that are worth googling. Or not. Only recently I discovered this funny little creation on a house on the corner of my street:

Adorable teapot on a wall.




[ Adorable, not?
A teapot on the wall.
It probably has been there even long before I moved here.
But I never noticed. ]




Now then. My challenge is going to be monthly, as you may have guessed already after reding the title. The longer I have to focus on something, the more difficult it gets so giving myself only a week would in itself be cheating. So it’s going to be a whole month. The things I want to focus on are of such a variety, there is no connection. I will not be spamming you until you’re dying with boredom, I simply will sometimes post pictures or write down some figments on the theme. In September my focus challenge will be about yellow. It’s a colour I love but somehow underestimate, so I’m going give it my full attention. But in October I might as well focus on toes or money or, well who knows…