Self-love September

September is a month I’m very excited about! As it turns out September is the month of Self Love.

Self Love is my life’s quest.

From pulling my hair when I was not older than 4 or 5 – because I had told myself Tess was a boy’s name – to an eating disorder between the age of 11 and 22. And frankly, everything in between. I’ve always told myself

  • I don’t deserve love
  • I’m not pretty enough
  • nobody likes me, let alone will ever love me
  • I’m too fat, too short, too boring, too weird, too sensitive.

And that is just the top of the list. I have hated myself dearly. Very dearly indeed.

Change came. At some point. The realisation that you can’t search for love outside yourself, if there isn’t any inside of you. Baby step after baby step. But boy, I’ve grown! I’m surely not completely there yet, but I’m on the move. And I know where I’m heading to.

Two years ago I decided to start writing a book about self-love. A journey, literally. I quit, then continued, quit again. But at the start of 2016 I realised this is the journey I want to continue. I’m gonna take my time, it may take some time before you’ll see the result. But I came to realise that I’m an actual expert on this topic, not by study but by experience. So why would I keep telling myself I wasn’t good enough?

It’s gonna be an epic journey, a big part of my quest. I wish that anyone suffering from self-hate and related issues, will find a companion in my book. In due time…

As Self-love September is now upon us, I simply wish that anyone suffering from self-hate in whatever form has someone to reach out to, has the stamina to continue the journey along the bumpy road to Self Love. For me there’s no way back and I know if I can walk this road, so can you. Let’s make this month a powerful one!

If you have any thoughts, if you want to share a piece of your Self Love journey – do feel free to get in touch via the contact-form on the About-page or via social media. Or share this blog, to let more people know about #selfloveseptember!

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For you.

This is about a journey.

I travel. I don’t go to India or Peru. But I travel. And so far I’ve come a long way.

Every day I come a long way. Some days the roads I travel were not made for travelling. But I travel anyway.

We need to talk about ME. About why most things I do, I do “on character”. My head tells me to cook. Eat. Get up. My body tells me I can’t. My legs tell me to give in and collapse. Sometimes my body doesn’t tell me. No cues, no notice. Instead it simply does.

But I just want to be. Young. Healthy. Living my life. Strong.

So I keep trying.

Trying when everything feels like shutting down and giving up.

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Sometimes it gets the better of me. And even though I want to, there’s nothing I can do.

This is why sometimes I can’t write. Why sometimes posts won’t be regular, daily, always happy. This is about why even a trip to the supermarket sometimes takes hours, if not days, to recover. And why all the fruit and sleep in the world won’t fix it.

Nothing I can do about it. Other than giving in. Accepting. Trying to charge the battery. Dealing with and dividing my little energy.

~~~

The day I got the diagnose I found my personal manual. I found ME.

This is about Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.

And from here I can continue my journey.